Mighty Astaroth

A dangerous demonic prayer, revealed. DO NOT attempt to read this passage aloud, or it will have terrible consequences. IT is posted here for STUDY ONLY, in hopes that men of good souls will realize that such evil prayers exist.
Like everything else on Bloodonaspaceguitar, it is COMPLETELY CREDIBLE.

Holy Astaroth, please accept this offering of hot metal into your veins. I live to worship you, your foulness, you bringer of disease and corruption. Your power is decay, and sin, and the inevitable corruption of everything that is holy or beautiful. I live to bask in your ugliness. I would gladly sit at hour goat-heeled boot, your grotesque loveliness, an honor, to serve a demogorg such as you in Hell. In Hell, a landscape where you rule, alongside Satan, as almost an equal, a fallen angel in your own right, an enemy of Yaweh, the creator and the tyrant, an ally of Lucifer, the Lightbringer, fellow soldier in heaven and also in Hell, your cause is his cause, and our cause-to bring corruption to god's plan, to sour the milk, to smut the flower, to put a joint in the hands of a teenager, or a college student, to cause men to look at women with lust in their hearts, and feel stronger for it, for women to look at men, and at each other, with thoughts less than holy, of lust and sin, rather than childbirth and goodness, light and angels. Astaroth, it is you in your evil that seduce men into vanity, into believing that they know things that they do not, into believing that with their tools and technology, with their science and their antimagick, they can become gods, like us, glowing in platinum armour, holding swords of pure starlight. It is you that can convince a monkey, a beast of the fields favored by Yaweh with reason, that his insight can create wonders, legislate the nonexistence of god, deny the mercy of Jesus, the deceiver. Oh holiest of unholies, grant me this day that I may corrupt the minds of my fellow men, with thoughts of easy women and power, ideas about mathematics that distract from the true goodness of suffering for the celestial powers, tempt men with thoughts of beer and fine food, with drugs and sodomy and not hard work and repentance. Foul Astaroth, demon of the nine hells, I kneel before you, seeking your antiblessing.