Regarding cat puke

I want to take this moment to share with you my feeling about cat puke on the floors, the furniture, the carpet, my clothes, my wife's clothes, my daughter's clothes, down the refrigerator door, and other places too numerous to mention.  I love it.  I must love cat puke, otherwise, why would I have so much of it in my life.  It would be truly tragic if I trapped myself in an existence so replete with cat puke, and was not absolutely ENTHUSIASTIC about it.  Every morning, cat puke somewhere.  The joys of each blotch of grey vomit are as endless as the day that follows.  Sometimes, a twig or a plant leaf, surrounded by foam and saliva.  Sometimes, a bolus of undigested wed Friskies or Fancy Feast.  Usually, the guilty party cannot be identified.  Sometimes, the cat is caught in the act.  I can only thank myself for the decisions I have made to be in a position to clean up so much of the stuff.  Amen.

Witness, GRONATAR! He is MIGHTY!  he can throw a Volkswagon across a Kmart parking lot.  He can smash a tank.  He is taller than a house and eats human beings for breakfast.  Mighty GRONATAR!

Beneath the Waves

Beneath the waves lie the armies of the IchthoMen!  There are many kinds of IchthoMen, and their savage legions are armed with mighty weapons.  IchthoMen may take HUMAN PRISONERS and lock them in an UNDERSEA DUNGEON, complete with an air bubble and a long list of terrible chores to do for their fishy masters.

Witness, Fantagar!

Witness, Fantagar, from the Nth dimension!  Fantagar is EXTREMELY POWERFUL, being from WORLDS BEYOND THE COMPREHENSION OF MERE HUMANS.  He is completely invulnerable to ordinary matter-only STRANGE MATTER can affect him, because his quarks are from a place entirely beyond our own.  He has MIND CONTROL POWERS and a MYSTERY FORCE.  BEWARE FANTAGAR!

Real Fucking Nordic Metal

Welcome to Princess n Dinoland

Step right up to the Carnival of the Arcane in Princess n' Dinoland.  Be amazed at the seven-headed hydra and the mighty Allosaurus fragilis, KING of the Jurassic Dinosaurs.  Be terrified, as you wander into the DUNGEON OF DOOM, be mystified, by Cosmic Ape, and his teachings of wonder.  Enter, at your own risk.

King Thanator!

Witness mighty KING THANATOR! on his famous THRONE OF BONE.  He commands mighty armies!  He is super evil and very powerful.  Hail, KING THANATOR!

REPTILICOR ATTACKS

Witness the attack of REPTILICOR, mighty REPTILIAN HORROR.  REPTILICOR throws city busses like playthings.  He knocks over buildings with his terrible tail and devours people ALIVE AND SCREAMING.  Drawing monsters like REPTILICOR is NOT the result of sexual frustration.  Whoever said that was LYING.  REPTILICOR is a badass KING OF MONSTERS with a terrible DEATH STARE and a HORROR BITE......

pelagic wisdom

Sometimes, your most important mission in life is to know your fate and quietly accept it.  Every krill knows this.

To Ruby

You waved out the window to me, golden hair framed by a rectangle of centenarian siding.  To embellish the goodbye a bit, you told me you love me.  Thank you.  You are so good at living in the moment.  I love you too.

In a bad relationship with a machine

You are a cruel elevator.  Just when I need you most, you leave me standing at the first floor, taunting me with all the other passengers you are carrying.  Once I get in the habit of taking the stairs again, there you will be, door open.  Cruel elevator.

I might not survive this complaint, but I need to get this out there.

I hate your cooking, Baba Yaga.  These children taste awful.

Daily Affirmation

Every day, I strengthen my bones for it.  The heft of a steel sword, the hint of frost in a late winter gale, the smell of tigers, cosmic rays, parking violations, misplaced cigarettes, bad dreams, uneasy laughter, gallows humor, the calculus of a war against invisible enemies, the huger for things I can no longer have, missed appointments, lost sleep-I carry the Y chromosome of Vikings, and all of this makes my hair long and that is the end of it.  I count bullets.  I stockpile.  I endure.
I have discarded the concept of sin a long time ago.  It is a Christian notion I can ill afford.  Despite this, more times than I can count, strangers have thown ropes down ravines to rescue me.  At the end of each climb, a knot, and nothing else. This is the generosity of barbarians.  The Ravens circle overhead.
Too many Steel Giants this year. Crop failures.  Flaming poodles.  Singing monkeys.  Armored fish.  Juggernauts.  Juggalos.  Hookers.  Hooks.  If I see another Care Bear puking in a garbage can I am going to kick the stuffing out of it.  I have learned to leave a cloud of ink where I once stood.  I have grown strong from pushing the boulder up the same hill every goddamned day and watching it fall down the other side.  Every day, in another way, I prepare for Ragnarok.

Coelocanth

I am going to have to move to an asteroid to get out of this stupid situation I have gotten myself into.  Only a distant asteroid will do.  Cancel that, I could never life on a minor planet.  What is it this time?.  Is it because I never learned to walk on land?  I never wanted to and you never asked.  Fine.  The bottom of the ocean for me.  Better still, CAVES on the bottom of the ocean.  How is that?  I'll be down here if you need me.

regarding multicellularity

being multicellular really sucks sometimes.