a public service announcement

I am just gonna come right out and say it. It is a bad idea to keep an alligator as a house pet. They start out small and cute, yes, but they do not stay that way. The only solution is to keep feeding it, but they get mean that way. There is another solution, come to think of it, but that is to let the animal go when it has gotten too big, into a freshwater river or golf-course manicured water hazard, or maybe the ocean sea somewhere. They just grow into bigger reptilian horrors that way, and come looking for home. I remember hearing of a man swallowed by a vengeful alligator in his own bed, come to think about it. Just a tail where his head should have been. Their backs are armoured, of course. Bullets bounce off of the things, as they slither down your toilet or out your window, only to haunt the neighborhood swimming hole for hears, accumulating baseball mitts and GI Joe dolls on the beach as bait for unwary children. The horrors out there are so numerous I can barely speak of them, except to say that children should be more afraid of spitting cobras and less afraid of an occasional head louse every now and again. Come to think of it, children are not afraid of either thing, and parents only the latter, leaving platoons of the scaly elapids coursing through every crack and crevice, after school, their venomous hearts beating with hatred for the warm-blooded two legs.