Die, Corky, Die

Corky the Gnome,
I am not saying I put my goblin friends up to causing that workplace accident in Whole Foods that nearly took your life, but if I did, it would have been justified. All those cases of wine falling on a helpless little gnome, as he reclines on a wheel of cheese, smoking a pipe, in the back room. Poor, cute little gnome.
Goblins do things like that Corky, they hate gnomes. If I put them up to it, it would have been justified by all the times you came by my house, sprinkling gnome dust everywhere to give my living room that "enchanted" feeling, and starting shit between me and my wife. Everyone hates it when a little shit-disturber comes around his house and starts talking crap to his wife about how the presence of hobgoblins living in the basement might be "dangerous" to the baby, or how the man of the house might be "gnomist" for having a -no pointy hats- rule. Truth of the matter is that I hate pointy red hats, and I hate gnome antics.
I noticed, for instance, that you secretly inspected, and organized all the closets. I messed them up again. I noticed that you and your buddies made liberal use of the garden all summer, standin perfectly still, like ornaments. Invisible to everybody but me.
If Blodgett and Hookie the goblins abducted you after the workplace fall and drug you off to a secret goblin "maze of torment", maybe they were trying to help you somehow. Too bad you had to chew your own leg off to escape and all. The peg leg looks nice.
I have two hobgoblins guarding the house now. Stay the hell away.
Stupid gnome.