WELCOME TO EARTH, RUBY

So, maybe it was one of the promises I made the other day, because you are here, Ruby. About the time I was goofing around with those posts, I get a call from your mom, "wondering when I am gonna be home from work"....this was directed wondering, I could sense it, so I cut things short and came home. As soon as I get there, Jan says "keep your shoes on, we're going out somewhere...anywhere..the bookstore. Ruby is coming." We figured that a little walking around would get things started. A few books, some caffeine for me, some fancy dinner, and 60 or 70 contractions later, our friend, Terri is over at the house and you are on your way...or so we thought. Things petered out Tuesday evening, after hours of intense prodromal labor.

We go to bed the next night, and I am imagining that you are still two weeks away. Nah. At 3.30 you wake Jan with the real deal. It is cold out, I drink coffee and call people...wake them up in the middle of the night. Soon, we are checked into the alternative birthing center, Terri is there with advice and back rubs, the midwife arrives, cheerful and stoked...woken up early. We check into the hospital at 4:30. By 9, we figure you must be close. Nope. The cervix is about where it was on Tuesday. It stays that way ALL DAY, till 3 or 4. By then, everybody is tired, and we are wondering what to do...the contractions will not stop, and you are not coming. The midwife and Terri try their goofy tricks, while I go home to feed the cats, so that my skepticism about goofy midwife tricks does not play a part in hampering them (homeopathic medicine actually stopped the contractions on Tues...I do not believe in any medicine that supposedly always does the right thing, that is impossible). I come back, and the contractions are INTENSE, like they are supposed to be. Their goofy tricks worked. I am impressed. There is some real drama here, because this was the point where they would have used pitosin, probably an epidural, all kinds of stuff. Jan was committed to a natural birth for you.

How committed? I remember cold washrag after cold washrag, every conceivable birth position, three trips to the bathtub.....more washrags, the birth ball, hands and knees, legs up in the air, on your side. We were holding our tongues about how bummed we were....at 9 only a little farther..but you had moved. They take a big risk and break your water...more your mom's idea than anyone else's...she researched everything about labor and delivery. At that point, you mom starts forcing you out, and gets REALLY TIRED. At some point around 10.30, I remember the midwife checking her, screaming "Oh MY GOD, We're gonna have this BABY!". You were finally committed to coming. Hours of pushing. Your head starts cresting at 11:30. Jan is exhausted..but she has totally taken over, really, nobody gives her any advice anymore, except when the midwife had her lay on her back to get your head over the pubic bone a little earlier. I was expecting you at midnight. I kept checking Terri's watch. Terri never flagged, was always encouraging, and always had water for your mom. Which is good. I held your mom's hand as they finally got you out of there. It was about six or eight minutes after midnight when you came out.

You looked "animatronic", "undead", "monstrous", the perfect grey baby, with an improbably short, Clive-Barkeresque grey umbilical cord.

I cut it. They let me hold you. You gurgle bubbles between cries, trying to get the knack of breathing air. Then, you get quiet and stare at me relentlessly, while the color comes to your face. That shot of me on this page was taken pretty close to then.

Turns out, your mom took a calculated risk in getting you out..she pushed like hell, and tore herself...because she knew she had only so much energy left. She is recovering from them now, on the couch, watching Freeway and feeding you. They made us stay in the hospital for a while. I slept on an uncomfortable couch and, at night when you want to PLAY, I sang Bathory songs to you and jiggled you to those Viking Metal bass lines. The cats at home were wondering where we are. In the middle of labor, Jan made me promise to buy her sushi the next day. I brought her sushi in the hospital, which is good, because the food was improbably bad...and delivered at unexpected times.

Now, you are home. Yesterday, they let you out. We were exhausted because you have adjusted our sleep cycles...and Jan STILL needs a good night's sleep she will not get for months. I try to help her on this, walking you around at night and dancing with you to Psyklon 9 and The Sword. Turns out, you DO like metal.

Welcome to this world, baby.