The Cosmic All

by stages, it has been happening, usually after i have had about six cups of coffee and then kept drinking it. the cosmic "all". it crashes in from all sides. i cannot stop extrapolating till my mind bumps against the corners of what is known and what is unknown or what cannot be known by definition because it is not there to know. too much of a big picture thinker, yes, this usually happens when i am letting the microdetails of my life go to hell. certainly, it takes more and more caffeine to get me out of bed every morning. i hear there is a lethal dose. still. still, i see my cat vainly staring at the new insulation we have stapled to the wall, a change from the last time, the neurons in his feline mind unable to connect in such a way as to indicate why this change has occurred, but the feline is unable to let it go. i am like that, but with a bigger brain. so many five dimensional strands weaving themselves in and out of time. so many microscopic plastic spherules in the ocean. so many extinct paleozoic neuropterans. at some point it all connects....the cat, the spherules, the fifth dimension, the neuroptera, the cytochrome oxidase, the death metal. all this has something to do with the fact that, since we have moved to a room with a plain, almost zen, lavender ceiling, i have slept terribly, unable to amaze myself with the details of a decaying drop ceiling suspended beneath shredded vintage beaverboard. i dream awake now and make sensible decisions while i sleep.