I might not survive this complaint, but I need to get this out there.

I hate your cooking, Baba Yaga.  These children taste awful.

Daily Affirmation

Every day, I strengthen my bones for it.  The heft of a steel sword, the hint of frost in a late winter gale, the smell of tigers, cosmic rays, parking violations, misplaced cigarettes, bad dreams, uneasy laughter, gallows humor, the calculus of a war against invisible enemies, the huger for things I can no longer have, missed appointments, lost sleep-I carry the Y chromosome of Vikings, and all of this makes my hair long and that is the end of it.  I count bullets.  I stockpile.  I endure.
I have discarded the concept of sin a long time ago.  It is a Christian notion I can ill afford.  Despite this, more times than I can count, strangers have thown ropes down ravines to rescue me.  At the end of each climb, a knot, and nothing else. This is the generosity of barbarians.  The Ravens circle overhead.
Too many Steel Giants this year. Crop failures.  Flaming poodles.  Singing monkeys.  Armored fish.  Juggernauts.  Juggalos.  Hookers.  Hooks.  If I see another Care Bear puking in a garbage can I am going to kick the stuffing out of it.  I have learned to leave a cloud of ink where I once stood.  I have grown strong from pushing the boulder up the same hill every goddamned day and watching it fall down the other side.  Every day, in another way, I prepare for Ragnarok.

Coelocanth

I am going to have to move to an asteroid to get out of this stupid situation I have gotten myself into.  Only a distant asteroid will do.  Cancel that, I could never life on a minor planet.  What is it this time?.  Is it because I never learned to walk on land?  I never wanted to and you never asked.  Fine.  The bottom of the ocean for me.  Better still, CAVES on the bottom of the ocean.  How is that?  I'll be down here if you need me.

regarding multicellularity

being multicellular really sucks sometimes.

A disillusioned laboratory animal confronts his trainer

Crap.  The stick again.  Why not the carrot?  I have been pulling this lever for hours, and no food pellet.  Why must everything shiny come with an electric shock?  Why do I never learn?  What are those funny symbols printed on the clipboard?  Where is my sugar cube?  Never a sugar cube, only a shock.   Only the wire monkey for me.  Whatever is at the end of the maze, I do not want it anymore.

A lovers lament, in solution

I just got over you, Hydronium ion, and here you are, back again.  You come and go from water molecule to water molecule as if it means nothing at all to you.  But I know, deep in that impenetrable nucleus of yours, we all mean something.  Just milliseconds ago, we were sharing our every electron.  My magnetic dipole became a song, a lover's song, and we resonated.  Now, these electrons are what they were before, a shell.  I can fell their probability fields shift in your direction as you enter my possible futures again.  This can only stop by our eventual evaporation.  Isn't that true, Hydronium?

an idiot's lament

i am so bored being happy.  i need to cause trouble for myself.  i need to shake things up.  i should drink bleach.  i need designer labels.  i only drink imported vodka.  i could use some meth.  i want to wave my dick at traffic.  i want to tie someone up.  i should be drunk doing this.  i am high writing this, but not high enough to write more than this.  spoons are shiny.  spoons are shiny.  spoons are shiny.